I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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