Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
They have beer where we have blood.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize