No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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