But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
