Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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