C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
