I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
