When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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