But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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