No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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