this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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