What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
