I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
