Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
