i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
