He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
nutella sex= disaster
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I understand Curling. That high.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
