You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
there is glitter all over my balls
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
