I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
