Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
