Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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