I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So vagazzling was a success
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
