i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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