I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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