I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize