I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
