Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
