Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
