I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
