my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
