it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
