He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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