i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize