mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
