I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
