Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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