Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
