Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
