32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
