Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
