Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
