and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
