and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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