If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
