im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
