I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
