i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Randomize
