So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
