i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
