I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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