She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
