She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
