Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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