The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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