A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
