watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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