On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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