Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
