cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
