Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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