I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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