I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
