Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
