Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize