Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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