Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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