That's intense
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
