he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize