bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
